We all long for that love you see in the movie "The Notebook" where you fight for and earn the love of your soul mate, and die in each others arms.....Who can say they watched that movie and didn't shed a tear or two during that movie? I am secure enough in my man hood to admit a tear or two while watching it......Is it realistic to expect love like that in our life? I don't know how many times I've had people tell me that they wanted to have that "fairy tale" kind of love, and they wouldn't accept anything less.....I will admit to being a hopeless romantic, vying for that perfect one in a billion woman to come into my life, so that we can have multiple babies and live happily ever after, but I have to ask myself, at what point do we have to accept the fact that although these things happen in the movies and on rare occasion in real life, they may not happen to us.....
For those that know me, you know that my life has been a roller coaster of relationships, in and out, up and down....WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Hold on to your hat!!!!!!!!! Yes it has been to say the least an interesting ride, but to this day I wouldn't change a damn thing...A few years ago while going through my second stint with alcohol rehab I was admitted to a 28 day hospital, I was attending AA meetings daily, group therapy and various other treatments....It was there that I had one of the most profound enlightenment's in my life, the Doctor asked me to name someone or someones that I felt I had been truly in love with in my life....As I started to think about it, it seemed clear what the answer was, but when I gave it to him, he asked me, why? Now that was the kick in the gonads I needed, because when I started to think about why I loved these women, it became clear that they all had one common denominator....They had all dumped me.....These women had all in some way shape or form dumped me or crapped on me, it was like this light from heaven came on, and shown down on me, here for all these years I thought I couldn't get over them because I was madly in love, when in fact it was just that I felt abandoned by them, or hurt by them and I didn't completely know why......Was it the fact that I was a bad person, was it my financial status, was it...........????? It was the fact that in my mind I wasn't able to close the loop because I didn't have the answers I needed, and that somehow was misinterpreted into "I was in love with them?" I felt stupid and smarter "stuparter" all wrapped into one......
So what did that have to do with anything? Well its actually an interesting subject that I'm gonna touch on.....Abandondment............For men I believe it's the love that they receive from their mothers when they are young that determines how they will treat and love women, if a man is neglected and untrusting of his mother or woman figure, then he will neglect and not trust a woman....It's part of our nature....But if he is loved and feels secure in his relationship with her, then he will in turn later on in life, love and trust a woman the same way......Almost the same for women, I've personally seen how a woman that does not have a close relationship with her father or a male figure, will become promiscuous later in life....why???? Because subconsciously she's seeking the attention or approval from men that she never got as a young girl, but when she gets older she will seek it sexually or through relationships with men, most of which will not work out, because she will never be content with one man's love.....
I have known for a few years now where and what I need to change in my life, to get to where I want to be, but recognizing or acknowledging it is but the first step in changing this vicious cycle...I'm not so much concerned for myself right now, as I am my son...I shower him with hugs and tell him I love him every chance I get, I constantly remind him that I am and will be there for him whenever he needs me, if I possibly can be...And as parents that's how we stop the cycle, we have to take care of our kids and make sure that they know what love is...I know that my parents grew up in a different kind of generation, a generation of hard working hardened adults, and they loved us the same way they were loved by their parents....You see where this is going??????
What is true love? Honestly friends I can't answer that....I believe in my heart that before we as human beings can know and feel true love, we have to be completely true to ourselves. We have to stop living a life of trying to please other people and live a life of truly knowing ourselves and treating ourselves as we would want to treat others, I honestly don't think that most people know exactly how valuable they really are in life....How can we make someone else truly happy in life if we cant make ourselves happy? How can we be happy and content in a relationship if we ourselves are not happy and content? Most of us know what we want, but we don't know how to get there, I'm saying that I believe the first step is believing in ourselves that we are powerful, beautiful, and unique beings that are capable of doing great and wonderful things in this life, and when we can look ourselves in the mirror and know that is true beyond a shadow of a doubt, then we can conquer anything in life that is thrown our way.....When we are true to ourselves we wont have to lust after people that we don't need in our lives, when we are true to ourselves we wont have to worry about whether or not our soul mate is out there waiting for us, when we are true to ourselves we can truly love others without the expectation of anything in return.....
